Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
