it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
well most of my day revolves around power hour
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
A bitchslap is in order.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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