So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
