i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
