dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
