Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
