If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
