He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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