You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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