Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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