there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
