after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
