broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think people are normalizing furries
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
