What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
