dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
