the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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