I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
