Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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