I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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