after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Boobs are out for the taking
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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