i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
