he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
