I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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