Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
