that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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