Please, let me fuck your mom
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
