i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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