we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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