it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
