May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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