You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
