There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The uberlube is also flammable
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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