i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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