Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
