TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
