Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
