he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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