i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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