omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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