Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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