oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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