I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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