He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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