Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
