I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
