More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
