ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
