I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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