Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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