I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
