you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
